Thursday, April 26, 2012

Under Construction....BEWARE OF MESS!




Recently, I came to a point in my life that I realized that if I didn't have an attitude adjustment, I was going to be one of those ugly, bitter old ladies.  I had had it with God not answering me like I thought He should and people running all over me.  I took a close look at myself and realized that I did not like who I had become.  Yes, it has been a rough journey the past 3 1/2 years.  Yes, I am living in a small church apartment with my husband and four boys.  Yes, we are on the verge of financial ruin.  Yes, we came to Colorado to do what we felt God asked of us, to church plant.  And yes, it was a bust.  Yes, my son has been diagnosed with Asperger's syndrome.  Yes, I have Rheumatoid Arthritis.   SO WHAT?  There are so many stories of hardship out there and many much worse than ours.  I needed to stop blaming God and do something.  My journal, as of late, has been angry words to God, wondering why He hasn't heard my prayers.  I would see or hear of others who were praising God for the answers that they had been praying for, and I just got more angry.  If I asked them, "where is my answer?  I have fervently prayed for three plus years!!"  Their answer would be, "in God's perfect timing."  That added to my anger.  If He is going to do what He thinks is best, then why pray?  WHY PRAY?  I came back to my blog about conversations with God and revisited my thought process.  He is not just going to do anything I ask.  He has a plan and He knows what is best.  He wants me to come to Him for comfort, rest, companionship.  He will lead me through my path and it will no doubt look much different than I think it should be at the time.  As I look back, I can see His leading and protection.  I need to trust Him.  Meanwhile, I need to change my attitude and find things to be grateful for.

I am currently under construction, trying to get back down to the basics.  I have more thoughts and a whole lot of work to do.  So, this is my current state.....UNDER CONSTRUCTION...BEWARE OF MESS.