Monday, December 19, 2011

so ready to move on....but WHERE???

I am so ready to move from this place of not knowing our future. We have been living in our "wilderness" for three years now and I try to just live day to day, but am growing more and more frustrated. We have been blessed with a roof over our head for this time. I know that because we live on the church property, and in the church education building, people have got to be frustrated with us. We are a family of six....FOUR boys. My boys need a place of permanence and security. I have to fight back tears as they beg to move to a place with grass to play in. They have no place to play and be boys. I need a place where they can thrive and also grow in their faith. Church planting is tough especially on families with kids.

Not only that, but I am wondering if God has plans for us in the ministry as pastors. That is what my husband studied to do but as time goes on, it is looking like ministry is not where we are headed. I was thinking the other day about this. I really am okay with not being in the ministry if that is what God is telling us. I just want to know. I will say, there is a certain easiness about being a pastor's wife. I am not a strong leader, never have been. But, it makes it easy for me to be a witness when I can say that my husband in a minister. I have noticed that in the past three years, since he has had to work outside the church, my beliefs have become mine and I have learned so much about how Jesus would do things. Maybe that was the lesson I needed to learn....I don't know. I am not afraid to be Jesus to those who need love, acceptance, and forgiveness. I know that I don't have to be a pastor's wife to do that, but it sure made it easier.

We have been through such ups and downs since our move to Colorado. I do hope that God will show us His plans soon. Meanwhile, I hope that my boys don't annoy and tear up this place that has so graciously been offered and where we call home for this time.

Where to God....?

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